And the happiest of New Years to you!

I realize it's the fourth, but since I have found it impossible to accomplish anything real until today then I guess it's MY New Year.

For the last month or so I have repeatedly stated what my New Years resolution will be for 2012.  It's won't be to lose weight or get in shape, the trainer I work with twice a week is helping me with that.  It won't be to swear less, and honestly my girls are finally getting to an age where I can swear in front of them and they don't look at me and fear for my soul.  It won't be to save more money.  You have to make money to save it and I am just now starting a couple of new freelance projects and I've already spent that money on a new refrigerator, because yes, I have been living out of 3 dorm-size units since before Christmas.

No, my resolution is none of those.  My resolution is to say "no".

I worked myself into such a tizzy before the holidays by taking on too much, that I really didn't enjoy Christmas and I'm pretty sure I rained on my kids parades too.  I had major projects at each of the girls' schools.  Two Girl Scout troops with promises of field trips that need to be organized.  Two ornament workshops for those troops.  An extremely unrealistic writing gig for little money that has probably, no most-likely, ruined my cred with a local writing affiliate.

Add that to all of the other things we do- soccer, basketball, religious education (I volunteer in a class), I also administrate websites, newsletters and Facebook pages.  Enough is enough!  I am just now reading the Christmas issues of all my favorite magazines!  Blah!!!!!!

For the first time in over 11 years we stayed home on New Year's Eve and didn't invite anyone over.  I couldn't handle the thought of the mess that I would have to clean the next day.  The toys, games, and little Life people scattered across my basement carpet.  I just.  Couldn't.  Do it.  And now I've decided that I won't.

I have two freelance projects going right now.  I need this work.  We need this money.  I have to chop off some other things.  I have an idea of what things are going to go, and they are the things I just don't enjoy much anymore.  The tasks that when someone asks me a question pertaining to these obligations my face falls in disgust before I can even think to stop it from doing so.

I hope I am not "un-friended" by those affected by my decisions, but I have to do this for me.  I have to learn to say, "No, I am just not available.  No, I don't have another commitment.  Oh wait!  I did just sign an agreement with my couch, my TV, the new issue of Real Simple and a liquored-up beverage.  Sorry, they will be really disappointed if I don't show up."

In April I will turn 40.  An age that I honestly never thought I would apply to myself.  Not that I've predicted an early death for myself but because it just sounded too old to ever apply to me.  With this age I have made other changes.  I work out often and twice a week I get the crap kicked out of me by a personal trainer.  I try to sleep well and consistently.  I "encourage" or is it "nag" my husband to do some stuff around here so I don't have to, and I've let my kids know I won't let them harsh my mellow anymore.

I need time to do things that I enjoy so that the things that make me money aren't deemed such a burden.  I need time for me, so that I don't completely go all crazy-ass up on you.  I need to say no, because damn it there are other people in this school, school district, town, state, country and world who have more time than I do.  I need to do it now.  Because going to see a movie by myself, or hauling my laptop to Starbucks so I can sip a latte and play Zynga's latest game on Facebook is what I want to do.  And I deserve it.

Best. Day. Ever. (and the most overused title for a blog post)

*** a funny thing happened on my way to writing this post.  I had the best day, then a good day, then a bad day, and now another good day with bad undertones.  Just another week in my rollercoaster life. ***

I started this post on November 16.

Twelve days ago.

*sigh*

It started as a great post.  I had just finished a music deal for one of my clients and I was euphoric.  I was also picked for quite a few special projects with Collective Bias.  I was on top of the world. And then...

I was going about my day, my really great day, when I decided to sort through the bills folder.  Bad idea.  We have never "swam in cash".  But, and I am going to sound like a broken record here, since I quit that job two years ago (November 13, 2008 to be exact) we have barely dipped our toes in cash.  Every time I think we can exhale a little something stupid happens.  Truck repairs.  Checking account mishap *blush*.  Girls want to play indoor soccer. etc. etc. etc.

Of course on this day, that fateful November 16th my husband was also at deer camp.  I hate this time of year.  I don't care that he deer hunts.  I don't care that he travels to the far reaches of the Upper Peninsula to do it.  I just care that he goes in November.  When it's dark at 5 p.m. and cold, and dreary, and depressing to even the most non-depressed.  I really don't like November.  Bad things happen in November.  My kids get sick in November.  I quit jobs in November (wait...).  I find ways to rock the boat in November.

Do you get the picture?  November = hate.

The last 12 says have been up and down.  High and low.  Great and sucky.  Throughout all of that I just couldn't finish this blog post.  I was feeling too much, and I couldn't express it in words. 

In my rollercoaster of a week I did some thorough cleaning.  I started my one-month free pass to the gym, and I started eating better.  I am whacked.  Or perhaps, bipolar?  I just don't know anymore.

But today I decided to finish this post.  I hate unfinished tasks and I couldn't bring myself to delete the non-published few words.  I had to finish it, and move forward.  I am sitting at the new Biggby Coffee by my house and I am finishing things, and accomplishing things, and trying to be more up than down, and repeating one fact.  December is two days away.

Soccer and vampires and conferences! Oh My!

It's amazing how fast time flies.  One minute you're on a roll blogging, working, taking care of your family and the next minute you realize you haven't posted on your blog in 9 days!

I remember a car ride I had many years ago with my step-mom and cousin.  "Wait until you get older," my Step-Mom told me, "time goes even faster."  I think I had been complaining about how fast summer was going by or something like that.  She was right.

The days between now and whatever event I am looking forward to will be a blur, it's best not to wish them away.

Things have been exciting lately.  The fall soccer season is over and there are no more Saturday early wake-up calls to open the concession stand and watch games. 

The girls were both vampiresses for Halloween, and they were super scary and pleased with their costumes.

Then last week we had our parent-teacher conferences and both of our daughters are doing awesome in school!  Just awesome!!!  I am so proud, and relieved.  Those of you that know us know that our 5th grader Ryann has had some struggles in school and this year has been a real turning point for her.  I couldn't be more pleased.

So, needless to say, the last two weeks were a blur, and now things are slowing down.  Slowing down enough where I can ignore the dirty dishes in my kitchen and spend a few hours working on stuff at Starbucks.  Drinking an iced chai.  Life is good.  Oh my.

Parenthood is stressful

I am a bad mother.

I started off this journey as a REALLY bad mother.  Now, I am just bad.  Singular.  Most days.

When Ryann was four months old we took her to San Diego for my brother's Navy BUDs graduation.  We were first time parents, and she was pretty much just a lump we carried from place to place that other people wanted to hold.

The morning of our last day as we packed to go home, Ryann threw up.  Then she squirted out.  Then she threw up and squirted out at the same time.  Clearly the child was ill.  Or possessed, as a new Mom I wasn't so sure.  And frankly, all I could think about was that we were in San Diego and we had to fly to Detroit.  With her, and all her... projecting.

On our way to the airport, and after we "borrowed" a number of towels from the hotel (most of which I still have and yes, I think of that day every time I wash) we had to stop for some Pedialyte.  'Cause that's what good mothers give their sick, squirting babies.  Cory stopped the car, I went in and came out with the goods and off we went.

Now I should tell you- all of this happened in January of 2001.  Months before planes were flown into buildings and I felt like an even badder mother for bringing a child into this world.  I share this time stamp with you because after we checked our luggage and approached the check in counter with our stroller and very pale infant I realized something.  I could not find my drivers license.  MY BABY IS SICK AND I HAVE NO I.D.!!!!  They aren't going to let me fly home with her!!!!  Hmmm, wait a minute.... NO!  I never thought of that!!!  At least not for long.

Anywho... I approached the counter sobbing.  "I am a new Mom and my baby is sick and we just wanna go hooooomeee!"  People were staring.  "I lost my drivers license when I stopped to buy Pedialyyyyyttttteeeeee!"

Yes, this much I had discovered.  Rewind to the parking lot of the store... Cory drops me off, I go in, Cory moves to a new location in the parking lot, and I get back in.  If Cory had not moved the car, I probably would have seen the best drivers license picture I have ever taken lying on the ground.  But no, I had no idea and off I went.

Again, in present time I would have never gotten on that plane without my I.D.  But in the pre-terrorist era, the counter lady took pity on me and my dear sweet child, and my husband who was clearly in the doghouse, and let us fly home.  With our baby.  With the Pedialyte.

So you can see, I am a normal bad Mom.  But I knew what I had to have for my sick baby, and I went and got it.  Had I been home I would have still had to run to the store, because we could never keep Pedialyte on hand to hydrate our dehydrated children because it expired before you could use it. 

Not anymore!  Now you can buy Pedialyte Singles in a 4 pack of juice box size drinks.  Great for kids, great for bad Moms, and they have an 18 month shelf life.  Rock on.

Visit the Pedialyte website for many valuable resources and to help you find new Pedialyte Singles at a store near you.

Disclosure:  I was compensated by Collective Bias for my time and this post.  All opinions and view are my own.

It's only just begun

I am the mother of two daughters, one 10 and one six-and-a-half.

The one whines about everything.  The first words out of her mouth every morning are sung, but the music is more nails on chalkboard than birds singing.  It's horribly unpleasant.  Horrible.

Oh, did I mention that it's the six-year-old I'm talking about?

The one that's too smart for her own good, and basically tells me that.  The one that lost her two front teeth on Friday, but doesn't mind that I call her "Fangs".  The that loves her big sister and then whines that Ryann is just like Mama!!!  I think it's because we both use the phrase "Whiny Brat" to describe her.  I know.  Horrible.

The older one has hormones.  I can see them floating above her head.  A constant reminder of my younger days and how I just didn't want to talk about it!  Geesh!  She gets overwhelmed and confused.  Sometimes she's Mama's baby as she rolls her bean-pole-self up on my lap and wraps her almost size seven feet around mine.  And then she's the tween, unsure of herself and her feelings, and eyeing the neighbor boy with a gleam in her eye.

I wanted two boys.  I said that out loud.  But I have two girls, that someday will be 16 and 13.  Simultaneously.  I love them, but pray for me.  Please.

Signs I am getting old, part 2

Yes, I need a pedicure, among other things.  But now my middle toe is purple and swollen.

I am old.  My bones are brittle.  Do not wear crocs to walk on wet rocks.

I'm still on vacation. 

Enuff said.

A funny thing happened at the roller rink

I broke my damn arm!!!  How's that for a story?

It seems that rollerskating with your children, while earning you cool points with your kids, can be hazardous to your bones.

It’s interesting the range of emotions you feel when you break something. The still-hiding-inside little girl thinks it’s kind of cool and starts wondering what color of a cast you may pick out. The damsel in distress thinks how great it will be to have your husband care for your every whim while you are laid up unable to do anything for yourself. The practical mom screams out loud “How in the hell am I going to get anything done?”

Then your doctor mentions the possibility of surgery, and the chicken shit in all of us loses her lunch. Figuratively of course, not literally.

I was lucky; I didn’t need surgery on my fractured radius. In fact, much to the little girls chagrin I didn’t even get a bright purple cast. I was instructed to start moving it as soon as possible, do a few simple movement exercises every day and start physical therapy after my vacation. Yippy.

In the meantime I have to remind the practical mom that it’s broken because when instincts and reflexes take over you tend to you use your arm. Your dominant arm. In my case my right arm. And it hurts when you use it let me tell you.

So we’re off to Drummond Island for our annual vacation in the Upper Peninsula, broken radius be damned. Of course “curling” is very therapeutic. As in, curling-your-arm-to-bring-that drink-to-your-mouth, which is a very treasured activity on this vacation. We shall see how much flexibility it can restore.

Starbucks Double Shot at 8 o'clock

Equals Bad Idea.

I have literally been up all night.  I watched five- yes, one, two, three, four, fiiiiivvvveeeeeee, episodes of 16 and Pregnant on Mtv.  I showered, because I didn't yesterday and maybe that's the trick, and yet- here I am.  Blogging at 6:26 a.m.

I can't even tell you the last time I was awake at this hour, at either end of a stretch of sleep.  It's been awhile.  The sad part is that I'm not really sure what to do now.  Do I stay up all day?  Maybe make a run to Starbucks while the one kid who's home is still asleep?  Or do I go lay down?  And risk a deep, unending sleep?  With a six-year-old who has watched enough TV this summer vacation?

Hmmm, tough decisions.  Right now I just have that sicky feeling I used to get when I worked the night shift at Meijer.  The feeling where the only thing that kept you pricing the Ortho products for the ad was the idea that very soon you could crawl into your own bed and sleep.  But that was before kids.  A Saturday with kids.  A Saturday with a husband who has to work today.  Oh and did I mention that I am smart enough to know that if I sleep too long I will be in the same boat this time tomorrow, typing along to her messed up internal clock?

Being a grown up is hard.  But I also don't envy those girls I spent five hours watching either.  If my baby cries it will be because her crazy Mama won't get out of bed because she stayed up all night.  Any my baby knows how to operate the remote.

**GIVEAWAY** Win tickets to Rosalind Wiseman's Girl World Tour 2010

Parenting is no easy task and we all know that already.  But parenting girls and hoping that they have better self-esteem than we do, that they're independent yet loving, and strong-willed but not bossy is a tall order.  Rosalind Wiseman had an idea about that and that is why she is hosting the Girl World Tour 2010. 

Wiseman, the author of Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and the New Realities of Girl World is traveling the country talking to Moms* & daughters (ages 8-14) about confidence, friendships, sweat-inducing moments and common mother-daughter challenges. This fun-filled evening of mother-daughter bonding will celebrate Rosalind’s latest books, feature an interactive discussion Q&A session and a book signing will follow. The two-hour event is sure to get mothers and daughters talking, laughing and connecting.

Detroit's Girl World Tour 2010 stop is this Thursday, March 4 from 7 - 9:00 p.m. at Hillsdale Middle School 775 N. Center Street, in Northville! 

I have been invited to attend this event with my nine-year-old Ryann and I have two sets of tickets to giveaway to two lucky readers!

You may also purchase tickets by visiting Next Chapter Books located at 141 E. Main Street, Northville MI 48167, by calling 248-465-0010, or on their website.  Tickets are $40 per pair and additional tickets may be purchased for $20.

Each pair of tickets includes: admission to the event, one copy of each of Rosalind’s latest books, and a gift bag featuring free samples of Dove go fresh deodorant! The admission price also includes a one year subscription to Family Circle, (valued at $6.13). Offer details and Rebate information will be available at the event.

Parents will receive Queen Bees & Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and the New Realities of Girl World and daughters will receive Rosalind’s debut young adult novel Boys, Girls, and Other Hazardous Materials.

*Any adult with a young girl in their life is welcome to attend the event. Fathers, big sisters, Girl Scout troop leaders, aunts, etc. are all welcome! Attend with the 8-14 year old girl in your life and share important conversations about her friendships, growth, and development.

To enter simply leave one comment below stating how old your daughter is and what you hope to learn at Girl World Tour 2010.

You may earn additional entries by following My Life of What Ifs on Network Blogs or Google Friend Connect, both of which are further down on the right sidebar. Just leave a comment stating you are a follower. If you comment anonymously please remember to include your name and email in the comment!

Because this event is only three days away...

This giveaway ends Wednesday, March 3 at 11:59:59 a.m.  The winner will be notified by email and must respond by 5 p.m. ET on Wednesday, March 3 to claim their prize.  You must be 18 years or older to enter and from the U.S. or Canada.  Only entries following the above requirements will be considered.

Disclosure:  I was given complimentary tickets to this event.  The opinions above are mine and mine alone.  I was not influenced by anyone at any time.

Self Inflicted Exhaustion

Isn't it crazy that the things we love to do the most are the things that are most often neglected or completely ignored. Like, this blog.

I love writing here, and I am so proud of this blog, and yet when I get busy with life it's the first thing to go by the wayside. (What does that mean anyway, go by the wayside? The Wayside is a bar in Mt. Pleasant that I spent a lot of time in a lifetime ago.)

It seems impossible that a balance may be maintained across all avenues. If the house is clean, no writing gets done. If writing is accomplished then you can not find a clean sock or the kitchen sink.

We endured the great furniture swap of 2010 to make room for a pool table, and in the process my husband completely cleaned out a storage area in the basement so that I can finally have my own office space. Have I made any progress in created said space? Nope. I went from losing sleep because I was giddy with ideas of how to decorate my office and to now, weeks later and nothing has been done.

I've had all week to get ready for girl scout camp this weekend, and yet because I can't say no, I will spend all day tomorrow rushing to help at the flowershop to help at the school, making a mad dash to the council shop and then home to pack in a fast fury. Really? What is wrong with me?

The opportunities are really starting to come in, but if I don't organize myself and come up with some kind of schedule then I am going to ruin everything. Oh and did I mention that I was sick, then Jayden was sick, and then there was a snow day? And car issues?

God grant me the serenity...

...to make it through the day tomorrow and accomplish all I need to.
...to enjoy Girl Scout Valentine Camp.
...to rest and recover from camp on Sunday afternoon.
...to use my Monday wisely.
...to sign up for next Saturday's Writers Workshop.
...to learn to say no!
...to get off the computer and go to bed.

When it rains it pours

The last few months in our house have been a challenge.  Some would be depressed by the laundry list of things that have broken or gone amuck, but I choose to see it as a comedy of errors and try to chuckle at our obvious misfortune, because really, what else can you do?

In the last six months or so we have had our dryer stop heating, the wall in our tiled shower cave in, the microwave stop working, the garbage disposal die, the basement carpet drenched by a sump pump mishap, (yes, another one), the bearings and front brakes go out on the truck, and a pipe rust-out in our well, and that problem led to a whole series of water problems.

My husband's facebook status often showed his dispair and the straw that broke the camel's back came in the form of, well we thought anyway, our refrigerator loosing its ability to keep things cold, or frozen.

The beauty in all of this was the lack of extra money we have in our account right now.  Yes, you heard me correctly, and yes that was an echo you heard reverberating out of our account.  Because if we had the kind of money we used to have, or the unlimited credit we used to have we would have just went out and bought new appliances, or paid someone to rush right out and fix whatever problem we had occur.

But because our money situation has changed so much we have no choice but to compare shopping prices on new purchases, research the mechanical problems, and enlist the help of family and friends who don't mind digging a five foot hole in our front yard on New Years Day, because really who needs water anyway?

By looking for the best shopping deals and taking our time we were able to fix things ourselves (ok Cory fixed them) and let me tell you- a $15 used thermostat is much better than $300 - $400 for a whole new dryer.

So in the end, our new habits saved us a ton of money.  Oh, that refrigerator that supposedly wasn't running anymore?  Well, let's see... when you take the inside of the freezer door off to clear the line for your water dispenser and to make your ice cube maker produce ice that is less sandy (both caused by the sediment that rushes up into your plumbing when you have a pipe burst), you should probably realize that having the door open all that time may set off your defrost cycle.  But fear not!  As soon as you remove all your freezer items and put them elsewhere, your appliance will turn back on, which is what I told my darling hubby would happen, but how would I know that?

This is a sponsored post. All opinions are mine.

It's 3:15 a.m. Do you know where I am?

Wow. I have been sitting here since about eight p.m. I have left this chair periodically to go to the loo (I've always wanted to say that), kiss my girls goodnight, make myself a chai, etc., all so I could pull an all-nighter. Ok, not an all-nighter, but probably a "I'm gonna survive my Thursday on about three hours of sleep - er".

You see, I have a lot going on right now. Instead of working full time an hour away at a job I didn't want anymore, I now work about five jobs and have a to-do list eight miles long. But I'm happier. Yep, that's right, happier.

In the morning I will rise at seven (or half past and that's still less than four hours away, in case you're counting) and I will do one phone interview for one article I am writing. Then I will write and submit said article. I will then make another call to interview someone else for the second article I am writing. I have a doctors appointment (medication follow-up anyone?) at 10:30 and I have to work at the the flower shop at one. Oh yeah I have to write and submit that second article before I go to "work".

So I stayed up late and did some work for DetroitMommies, the Examiner, here, prepped my news articles, and now I will definitely be cruising through the Starbucks drive thru sometime in the a.m. But it's all good. Because yes, you guessed it, I am happier. Even on three hours of sleep.

Seriously? Can it get any better than this?

This headline should really be written in stone. Classic.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,529935,00.html

Kudos to Fox News.

Wanks, Banks and Automobiles

Tell me how you would handle this situation.

You lead a frugal lifestyle and have managed to put a few dollars away for a rainy day. A dear friend, or family member, comes along and is in need of some quick cash to cover a bit of bad luck, or poor planning. You offer your rainy day fund, they accept, and you continue your sensible life. Maybe you live even more tightly than before, just until the loan is repaid. One day, as you're eating another lunch of ramen, that dear friend or family member, stops by to say hello. You can't help but notice their fresh manicure and designer handbag. "Hmmm," you wonder, "shouldn't that money have been given to me to repay the loan?" Shouldn't your friend have been making sacrifices in their lifestyle to account for the pickle they found themselves in that you helped rescue them from? Common sense says yes. Common courtesy also says yes. Logic agrees. AIG does not.

Apparently even if you run a company into the ground and the government must bail the company out, twice, you can still get your nails done. Why else would a company pay out yearly bonuses of any kind when you are indebted to your government already?

Let's shift to former GM CEO Rick Wagoner. In my own soft hearted way I feel for him, I really do. But come on, a retirement package worth 20 million? Aren't there factory workers who are losing their retirement packages all together? I know he's been working for a buck since January 1st, and that he has 33 years with GM, but seriously 20 million? Even if paid as annuities I find it hard to digest. As someone who worked at an automotive supplier for 12 years I sympathize greatly with the UAW workers. There were many years that we did not receive raises because our client wasn't doing so hot and our suppliers fees were cut. I get it. But when you think about how many top level executives are compensated in salary and bonuses for essentially not doing such a bang up job it does make one vomit a little.

I think I understand why the banks are given money with little repercussions while the Auto manufacturers are held to such scrutiny. Money talks. Cars only keep you from having to walk. Money is handled by designer suit wearing Harvard grads. Cars are built by the middle class. I may not be an expert but even someone from Michigan can recognize a clusterf... errr.... mess when they see one. I just hope those people who end up rolling in it remember one thing. Karma's a bitch.