Conundrum

I'm freelancing as a stringer for my hometown newspaper. I'm also working part time in a greenhouse, something I did all through high school and college. In some ways I have come full circle. I have returned to where I was half my lifetime ago.

I love both jobs. The writing is one step in the path of me following my dreams. The other job is just something I enjoy doing.

But I am baffled by the fact that while I can easily over-analyze my decisions in life and question my self-worth at every turn, I can not give myself credit for any of my achievements. Ever. I do not have the ability to be proud of myself. I can point out every flaw I think I have, but ask me to accept a compliment and I cringe.

How on earth did I become this way?

I'm hoping that will change a little on Friday when my first story is published. I'm going to try to give myself a little pat on the back, no matter how hard it hurts.