My Life of What Ifs

Monday, November 1, 2010

Music Memory Monday

OK, before anyone gets their panties in a bunch- this happened a long time ago.  Before I was legally wed, and during a time in which the man I was dating, whom I later married, was back home having some fun of his own.  We are adults, and this memory takes place in 1996.  And no, I do not feel guilty or have any regrets :)

 Oh I really should have known...

In January 1996 I began my last semester at college. I had decided over Christmas break that I was going to immerse myself in the college experience this last semester and not travel home to work as much. This put a new strain on an already weak relationship with my boyfriend of four years.

Living Under JuneThe previous semester I had developed a crush on a fellow student. He was broadcast major like me and we were involved in the same student activities. He was a couple of years younger, he had a long term girlfriend, and he was a smart ass. Simply, he was a challenge and I was up for it. We shared a flirtation but if someone else was around he was rude, but that worked for me. When we were one-on-one, which was usually a result of me going out of my way to be somewhere he was, then he was different.

We worked together at our college TV station. This meant we were together quite a bit filming segments, many of which involved taping a band at a bar, and then we had long hours in the edit bay putting the show together. It was during this time that I first heard Jann Arden's song "Insensitive".

I was drawn to this song at first by just one line. How do you teach your heart it's a crime to fall in love again? I had a boyfriend, one that I was technically still attached to, and one that I honestly still loved very much. So what was I doing?

One night after taping another band, in another bar, and after having way too much to drink, the crush and I, well... we had some fun.  It was intense and crazy, but the moment it was over, it was over. Oh I really should have known, by the time you drove me home...  After that night it was different. We had gone too far, and he could now be described as nothing but "insensitive". By the vagueness in your eyes, casual goodbyes... 

As the female counterpart I was not capable of being that way. I fell too fast, I feel too much...  I probably wasn't the first or the last.  I'm one of the chosen few, who went ahead and fell for you... and I often wonder if he even remembers me. We finished out the semester and, hung out as friends in our group. I married my boyfriend, he married his girlfriend, and the rest is history. But anytime I hear this song I completely lose myself in every detail of that time in my life. I thought that you might have some advice to give, on how to be, insensitive...

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