My Life of What Ifs

Friday, March 6, 2009

Done dropped my hook in a fished-out creek

I'm spent. Tapped out. Empty. No, not my bank account, my energy tank.

This week I managed to catch some strain of cooties for the third time since becoming unemployed. This particular strain came with a high fever, excruciating body aches, and some mucus. Mucus that led to a cough. A productive cough, due to the mucus. Yum.

Needless to say I was pretty much worthless all week. So for the first time since walking out of my office sixteen weeks ago I indulged in daytime TV. A lot of daytime TV. I remembered that I love Ellen Degeneres. I found out that Whoopi is awesome on The View and I caught Van Morrison on Regis & Kelly.

The hot topics were in abundance. I saw many discussions, on many programs about "Octomom". I could not bring myself to watch her interview on Dr. Phil, but I did listen to him talk about her on The View. Judge Judy also had a strong opinion about her that she shared with Ellen.

The Bachelor Jason was also mentioned a few MILLION times during my TV time, and this morning on Ellen I got to see him apologize to the world for being a cad. Or rather, for changing his mind which is what all men do at one time or another anyway.

My boyfriend in another dimension, Jeffrey Dean Morgan was on The View this morning. Yes, Denny Duquette from Grey's Anatomy. Of course they showed the clip that I refer to here and I didn't even have the energy to scream, but I cried. A little. I worked hard and managed to stay away from soap operas. My fear was that if I saw one frame of General Hospital my years of recovery would be shot to hell and I just don't have time for that or I will never go back to work.

I said hello to my good friend Oprah and introduced myself to a new friend named Bonnie Hunt. Oh and I have to ask. What...the...hell...happened to Maury? Is he not married to Connie Chung a well-respected journalist? Does she not watch his show and just want to slap the crap out of him? His show is nothing but DNA tests and bodyguards. When did he become Jerry Springer? I guess I've been out of touch but I seem to recall Maury covering topics that were less creepy back in the day.

The final gem in my week of daytime TV came from TV Land and is responsible for the title to this post. Yesterday I watched about seven episodes of The Beverly Hillbillies. Yes, the black and white ones, not the ones in color. My girls were baffled. "Why is the TV gray?" Jayden asked. "Didn't we see stuff in black and white at Disney World?" Ryann added. I resisted the urge to tell them to shut up, because that's not nice. But please! I cannot hear Granny! I cannot hear Jed! Jed was fresh out of ideas on how to get Granny out of beatnik mode so instead of saying that he said he "done dropped my hook in a fished-out creek." Love. That.

Anyway, today I am feeling better and even managed to leave the house and enjoy the nice weather. I also removed the sweater from the dashboard of my car, 'cause it's almost Spring and my car doesn't need it anymore. Just kidding. It wasn't a sweater. It was a thick layer of dust and hair. Next I'm going to sweep up the french fries, M&M's, fruit snacks, confetti and let's not even think about what else. So I guess you could say I have found some energy. Or as Jed would say "Wee doggies!" Have a good weekend and stay away from the TV.

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