My Life of What Ifs

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

What if I Suck? Seriously.

Wouldn't this be a great world if insecurity and desperation made us more attractive? ~ Albert Brooks as Aaron Altman in Broadcast News.

I am an insecure person by trade, but lately I've realized I'm seasoned with a hint of egomaniac. I say this because it has occurred to me that I really thought someone would have handed me a job by now. Yes, handed. Go ahead, say it. OK, I'll say it for you. "Bitch please, you're in Michigan. And why do you think you're all that?" I don't think I'm all that, but I've never had to look for a job in my life. I've just gotten them fairly easy. One after the other, for twenty years.

I have been looking for a job, just not that hard. I'm pretty sure my resume needs some help. I think I need a few more versions to accommodate the variety of professions for which I have been applying. I naively also thought it would be easier to get my foot in the movie production door here in Michigan but I haven't had any luck. I've also worked myself into a box apparently because it's hard to read a job listing and feel that I have any business applying. I hope it's my resume and an inability to market myself that is the problem and not just that I simply suck. That would be bad. It's hard to fix suck. It's easier to rewrite your resume. Maybe. Maybe not.

But it's time to crack down. Tomorrow I'm turning in an application at Starbucks. Seriously. Oddly, that's kind of a dream job for me. I joked about working there when I first quit my job but I wasn't really kidding. I do wonder if me working at Starbucks is a little like a pill popper working in a pharmacy but regardless I stopped in today and asked if they were hiring. "We're accepting applications" the girl behind the counter replied. Okay. "Great, can I have one?" I inquired. She couldn't find any, so someone went in the back and made me a copy. Interesting. Tonight as I filled it out I was baffled. How does one fill out an employment application? Will writing my salary from my last job on the app affect their opinion or not? Should I really write that I am available for any hours or should I be honest and say 9 am and on? Seriously I'm not good at 6 am customer service, but I don't want them to pitch my app in the circular file because I am not available for all shifts at all hours. One of the questions asked "Have you ever visited a Starbucks location? If yes, describe your experience." What the hell? Do I write that I can sniff out a Starbucks within a 25 mile radius? Do I kiss Starbucks ass? Do I keep it real? ugh. I'm so not good at this.

I will drop off the application tomorrow with my resume attached and I will wait to see what "we're accepting applications" means in real time. Will I hear something in the next week? Month? Never? Never would be bad. Never would confirm that I suck. Or would it? I just don't know. But additional money must come into this house and soon. I also need purpose and if making lattes is my purpose then let me at it, and throw that loose change in the container on the counter.



Zoe said...

first of all i never thought i would hear you use the phrase "bitch please" LMAO. second-you should check out a place called pink heels in jackson. she helps women discover their dream jobs and helps with resumes and crap like that. thirdly...i would love a job at looks :)

Anonymous said...

Hey Stacey,
Pardon me for snooping but i just read some of your blogs. I myself have been through two jobless periods in my life, the first for about 4 months, the second for about 9. I too couldn't help but think that I just sucked, it's something that's built into me. I've always downplayed my value in my own head. I've been getting better with that and realize that damnit, I'm a good person and people like me! The time I was unemployed for 9 months got pretty dark but eventually I sucked up some pride and went to work for my father in law at his restaurant. While I wasnt bringing home tons of bacon, the psychological benefits were immeasurable. It got me out of the house,I was productive and I wasn't sitting at home waiting for return phone calls and obsessing over sucking. Now's not the time to worry about how much you can make, but more about feeling good, being productive and interacting with positive people. Starbucks is something I bring up to alot of people. There's always something warm and fuzzy and positive feeling about any one I've ever been in. Tap into that positive energy and look for a real job on the side. The main thing they're looking for is friendly outgoing smiling faces, you've got all that going for you! Think of things that you enjoy and start there, for instance me, I love to garden, I could go try to get a job at any nursery and be happy as a clam! Now go take another nap!
Eric T

Mar said...

Just wanted to let you know that I stopped by your blog & am sending you lots of positive vibes for success in your job search.

Your talents will take you far and you will blossom as you grow into your new "can do" shoes.

Check out What Color Is Your Parachute if you want a great resource ... enabled me to get out of public accounting when I realized it wasn't "me" enough to make me happy and I wasn't "it" enough to make it work.

Hugs & if you get the starbucks gig I'll take the "friends don't let friends drink starbucks" gizmo off my facebook page ;)

~ Mar