My Life of What Ifs

Friday, January 1, 2010

Happy New Year, I hope you've been well

Hi there.  It's been awhile.  I unknowingly, but then admittedly, took about six weeks off from blogging and chick lit examining.  I needed some time to focus, gather my thoughts, reconfigure my path and simply survive the holidays.  It hasn't been an easy time for me.  We have faced some major financial obstacles, and I have (surprise) questioned my very existence as well as the the choices I have made.  But along the way I found faith again and realized that everything is happening as it should.  That's why when I was browsing secrets on the Post Secret facebook page this one really spoke to me.

Clearly, my path has not been the one many would have taken, but that's ok because it's my path and no one elses.  Despite setbacks and overwhelming depression along the way I still remain proud of my path.

Now it's time for me to steer my path with a little more aggression.  I have had several amazing opportunities come my way lately and if I don't remove my head from my ass I am going to miss out on them.  Procrastination is a personal  tic I have, but I have to stop letting it affect my chances of moving forward in my work, and I have come close.  Sometimes I think it's an unconscious self-defense mechanism.  Self-sabotage if you will, and that has to stop.  I do deserve happiness and success, and simplicity.  I need to stop making things more complex than they need to be, that has been a bad habit of mine my whole life.

Simplicity is something I wished for in 2009 and I hope that in 2010 I come closer to it's discovery.  I have discovered that "things" are not necessary.  Actions are what count.  Awareness, living in the moment and time well spent are what make memories, not the number of presents under the tree, or the number of clearance bargains you discover (although sometimes a stocked clearance rack can make life more fun).  You can't take "things" with you, and sometimes those things just get in the way.

I know that a lot of people still wonder what I am doing.  Or maybe it's just me that wonders and everyone else is over it?  But I wonder if they know where I am really headed in life, what my dreams are, actually do I know what my dreams are?  They're big, and they will happen, as they are supposed to happen.  It would be nice if I could achieve some of them in 2010, but I will have to do my part and that will include motivation, inclination, focus and drive, things that many can't muster on New Years Day.  Luckily there are 364 days left to give it another try.  Happy 2010 everyone.  May you be blessed all year long.

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