Emotional Baggage

I've often wanted to send my own postcard to PostSecret, but often think my own secrets would pale in comparison to the ones I have obsessed over.  I keep a file of my favorite PostSecrets on my laptop, and when I feel a connection to one I usually post it here. 

But there are a few that I love that never really fit into a category.  Maybe I don't identify with them personally.  Maybe I do?  But they speak to my heart in a way that only I, and maybe a few people on this Earth who really know me, understand.

Friday afternoon I was overcome with emotion in the parking lot at Barnes & Noble.  My heart felt heavy and I had a 'moment'.  I was happy that I am blessed enough to be at a Barnes & Noble on a Friday afternoon.  I was reflective of the last 22 months and what they have meant to me personally, mentally, psychologically, and so on.  And I was saddened by a number of what ifs.  I sat there for a moment and stared at nothing.  I wondered, for the infinite time, what I was doing?  Who am I really?  Is this what I was meant for, and to do?  Am I where I am supposed to be?

All are million dollar questions.  So I pulled myself together and walked into the store.  I found peace in the pages, and I find peace in these secrets.  Some of which I could have written myself, or perhaps they were written about me?

Not so epic fail

Ok, so I lost 4 days of blogging.  The weekends are always hard for me and we were super busy both days. 

My girls didn't have school on Monday so I took them to see The Squeakuel and then I had other writing jobs the rest of the afternoon.

Yesterday?  Well yesterday was other work, another kind of work, and then homework with my oldest all night.

So here I am and I just found this on Post Secret.  While, it is not entirely true for me, it is a big time suck that takes me away from things I should be doing.  In fact I had better check on my crops right now...

Happy New Year, I hope you've been well

Hi there.  It's been awhile.  I unknowingly, but then admittedly, took about six weeks off from blogging and chick lit examining.  I needed some time to focus, gather my thoughts, reconfigure my path and simply survive the holidays.  It hasn't been an easy time for me.  We have faced some major financial obstacles, and I have (surprise) questioned my very existence as well as the the choices I have made.  But along the way I found faith again and realized that everything is happening as it should.  That's why when I was browsing secrets on the Post Secret facebook page this one really spoke to me.

Clearly, my path has not been the one many would have taken, but that's ok because it's my path and no one elses.  Despite setbacks and overwhelming depression along the way I still remain proud of my path.

Now it's time for me to steer my path with a little more aggression.  I have had several amazing opportunities come my way lately and if I don't remove my head from my ass I am going to miss out on them.  Procrastination is a personal  tic I have, but I have to stop letting it affect my chances of moving forward in my work, and I have come close.  Sometimes I think it's an unconscious self-defense mechanism.  Self-sabotage if you will, and that has to stop.  I do deserve happiness and success, and simplicity.  I need to stop making things more complex than they need to be, that has been a bad habit of mine my whole life.

Simplicity is something I wished for in 2009 and I hope that in 2010 I come closer to it's discovery.  I have discovered that "things" are not necessary.  Actions are what count.  Awareness, living in the moment and time well spent are what make memories, not the number of presents under the tree, or the number of clearance bargains you discover (although sometimes a stocked clearance rack can make life more fun).  You can't take "things" with you, and sometimes those things just get in the way.

I know that a lot of people still wonder what I am doing.  Or maybe it's just me that wonders and everyone else is over it?  But I wonder if they know where I am really headed in life, what my dreams are, actually do I know what my dreams are?  They're big, and they will happen, as they are supposed to happen.  It would be nice if I could achieve some of them in 2010, but I will have to do my part and that will include motivation, inclination, focus and drive, things that many can't muster on New Years Day.  Luckily there are 364 days left to give it another try.  Happy 2010 everyone.  May you be blessed all year long.

Brilliant

I LOVE Post Secret. I have for many years and I still get excited when I realize that new secrets are up and ready for my perusal. Here are a couple of my latest favorites.


This one is so simple and yet it says so much. Three little words that could be good, could be bad, all depending on your frame of mind.


This one I can relate to a little too much. I have a Bachelor's degree in Broadcast & Film with a minor in Advertising and I work part time in a flower shop, which I love, and it makes me above and beyond happy.

Of course I am also using my Associates (and experience) in Journalism which also makes me above and beyond happy when I nail it, but it also makes me hate myself when I fall short.

Look for a re-design of this blog any day now and a really cool giveaway!!!! But you have to comment on the blog post to be eligible. Stay tuned!!!!!

I would just like to care a little less

Easing back into it

Vacation is over, and it was wonderful. I will post about it later in the week. Tonight I am playing catch up. I have four stories to cover for the newspaper this week, and countless other obligations. But tonight I just caught up on my favorite places on the internet, including PostSecret.

I love this blog. Each week I like to pick out my favorite post card, one that I myself could have written. Here is this week's choice. Life is good.

Cop Out Post

I saved these two postcards from Post Secret a week or two back. In lieu of a real post I choose to post these. They are important because they spoke to me. The first one I would like to believe was posted for me, and for my writing. Even when I don't believe in myself I hope there is at least one person out there who believes in me and what I will accomplish before I leave this beautiful earth.


The next postcard is just another example of my dramatic side. Even with all I am blessed to have, the teenage girl in me still hopes there is someone out there secretly thinking of me.


I promise something real soon. As soon as I am inspired enough to come up with something original. Or is that my excuse for not posting?

I Wonder if Everyone Else Would Pick James Earl Jones

I found this last week on PostSecret. I think it jumped out at me because I was just finishing David Sedaris's book Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim. I love his humor and have read many of his books. I have also heard them on CD and while he does have an interesting voice I'm not sure that's the one I want narrating my every move. Maybe the person who submitted this postcard thought of that, and that is why it's a secret.

Cryptic Enigma

(This is a totally weird post. Don't ask questions, not knowing is good... )

I've OD'd on nostalgia. I've been dumped by the past. It's time to purge for the sake of my mind, body and soul. So ladies and gentlemen I give you the word hurl... the melody retch... the lyric upchuck.

There were times I almost let you go, when I thought I needed to break free.

It's not what you got, it's what you give. It ain't the life you choose, it's the life you live.

Where the sidewalk ends and the road begins, we said goodbye on a cold dark night. I'm not afraid to go, you bet I'm not. Where the sidewalk ends you left a lot.

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head. I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead.

Took a long walk after midnight trying to make sense of it all. Tried to catch a glimpse of my old life but your face was all I saw.

When it's good, then it's good, it's so good 'till it goes bad. 'Til you try to find the you that you once had.

I love you. I've loved you all along. I miss you. Been far away for far too long.

Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone? Your whole life waiting on the ring to prove you’re not alone.

Someone swears his true love until the end of time. Another runs away, separate or united, healthy or insane. And to be yourself is all that you can do.

Your eyes were red, mine painted black. My thin blue dress, slid down my back. You held me close and you cried cried cried, cause we both knew I wasn’t coming back.

Oh I've felt that fire and I've been burned, but I wouldn't trade the pain for what I've learned. I wouldn't trade the pain for what I've learned.

All that I am. All that I ever was. Is here in your perfect eyes they're all I can see. I don't know where, confused about how as well, just know that these things will never change for us at all.

You shimmy-shook my soul, leaving me stranded all in love on my own. Do you think of me, where am I now?

Should I let it start again? Open up the book and read it. I will show you what I can, show you I can be the best of men. Just don’t break my heart, just don’t break my heart, ‘Cause it’s the only one I’ve got.

And we know it's never simple, never easy. Never a clean break, no one here to save me. You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand. And I can't breathe without you, but I have to.

You have been mine since time untold. Our love is immortal, don't you know. Others will come, and they will go. But I loved you young, and I'll love you old.

It's all your fault, you called me beautiful. You turned me out and now I can't turn back. I hold my breath, because you were perfect. But I'm running out of air and it's not fair.

Still you're my best friend, and after a good, good drunk. You and me wake up and make love after a deep sleep where I was dreaming, I was dreaming of a Dreamgirl.

We're strange allies, with warring hearts, what a wild-eyed beast you be. The Space Between the wicked lies we tell, and hope to keep us safe from the pain.

Don't forget my broken heart, you remember it from the start. You made it and it's all a part, of your grey blue eyes.

Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me. Lying on the floor, surrounded, surrounded.

How many times can I break til I shatter? Over the line, can't define what I'm after, I always turn the car around. All that I feel is the realness I'm faking, taking my time but its time that I'm wasting. I always turn the car around.

There's an emptiness inside her and she'll do anything to fill it in. And though it's red blood bleeding from her now, it's more like cold blue ice in her heart. She feels like kicking out all the windows and setting fire to this life. She could change everything about her, using colors bold and bright. But all the colors mix together - to grey, and it breaks her heart.

There's always one that gets away. The one that sneaks up on you that slips away. In a closed off corner of my heart, yes I'll always see your face, the one that got away.

I miss the sound of your voice, loudest thing in my head, and I ache to remember all the violent, sweet, perfect words that you said.

Nobody knows, nobody sees. Nobody knows but me.

You see the smile that's on my mouth. It's hiding the words that don't come out. All of the friends who think that I'm blessed. They don't know that my head is a mess.

This is our last goodbye. I hate to feel the love between us die, but it's over. Just hear this and then I'll go. You gave me more to live for, more than you'll ever know.

Plus, for reading this far, my favorite Post Secret postcard of the week....



And finally, the awesome valentine created by Joel Holland that appeared in Ready Made magazine in the February/March issue...



I consider myself cleansed :)