My Life of What Ifs

Monday, March 29, 2010

Music Memory Monday

The Wall (Deluxe Packaging Digitally Remastered)

There's always a first time

Growing up I was a good girl.  My Mom put the fear of God in me with hopes that I would not make the same choices she had made. I started drinking on my 17th birthday and stayed away from boys in the biblical sense until a few months shy of graduation, both being much later than the majority of my friends.  The last few months of my senior year were filled with so many things.  I was struggling with depression, although it was undiagnosed at the time.  I had trouble getting up for school and only with the fear of not graduating placed in front of me did I make an effort to show up and do the work.  I had my first boyfriend, although I was still flirting with a guy I worked with as well.  I had a great group of friends and on the weekends we were always together.  Whose house it was just depended on whose parents were out of town at the time.

I had a fear of the unknown.  I never wanted to look dumb, or inexperienced and that kept me from trying some of the things my friends were doing.  I knew that when I drank, I usually ended up drunk, and sick, so I was careful about what else I tried.  But there's a first time for everything and the first time I "inhaled", Pink Floyd's Comfortably Numb was playing in the background.

Think what you may, but it couldn't have been more perfect.  I didn't know what I was doing, but it didn't matter.  All the anxieties that I had been experiencing disappeared and nothing seemed that bad for a short while. Come on now, I hear you're feeling down... We were sitting on the sun porch off my friend Sean's upstairs bathroom, there was a full moon, and people were in the backyard talking.  I can ease your pain...  Honestly there were people in every room of this old city house just hanging out, enjoying the drama of youth. There is no pain you are receding...  I don't even remember who was out there with me, but I remember thinking that I would remember that night for the rest of my life and so far that's very true.  I have become comfortably numb...

1 comment:

Luigi | Club Flyer Printing said...

"I had a fear of the unknown."
Aww. Stacy. I know how you feel. I just want you to know that I appreciate you sharing this story to us.