My Life of What Ifs

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

The meaning of things

I have recurring dreams.

Not the same dream over and over, but dreams with a solid recurring theme.

A few times a month I have a dream where I am going about my day in a very ordinary fashion when across the room, outside the revolving door, or through a window I see someone who played a significant role in my past.

It's very cinematic.  I see them, I look away, I double take.  They mouth "sorry" to me with an expression of regret and then it's over.  The dream that is.  Or at least that's the last bit I usually remember.

I don't really understand it.  This person, to the best of my knowledge, is very much alive.  They really don't need to apologize to me, or maybe they do?  Or maybe I owe them the apology?   I don't know.  Is it a closure issue?  Maybe, but I thought I had that.  Unanswerable.

I also dream about the flower shop where I used to work.  I have not been back in there since I quit nine months ago.  My lack of patronage is not for any specific reason but due to the dreams I am starting to wonder if I don't have closure there for some unknown reason.  It's all very speculative.

It's dark outside.  I hate this time of year.  The minute the sun sets my mood shifts.  I know that many others are affected the same way, but still.  No matter how much caffeine I have poured into my system I shut down every day at 5 p.m.  But then, come bedtime I don't sleep well, and maybe that is why my dreams are so broken.  And cryptic. 

It's all a learning process.  Thank God for psychotherapy.


MOM said...

When I worked at the hospital, we called that 'sundowners'. That is when the elderly, who were fine all day, went into their dementia state.

I get that around 3 or 4. I think that is because that is the time that you kids came home from school, and no one comes home anymore. I am usually fine after supper! We are all such complicated creatures!

Jen @ BigBinder said...

Do naps help? I don't mean that in any flippant way - if I take a nap from 1-2 this Godforsaken time of year it seems to help with the rest of the day.